Funny Stuff

Alright, so I gave you a list of 5 Great Alternatives to Writing a College Paper. Well, I used a few of them. Here's what happens when you take the Alternatives too seriously...

I had to leave for a trip at 2 on Friday. The English paper I had been putting off had to be e-mailed by midnight. Unfortunately, traveling meant no internet connection, which meant that I had to send in my paper before 2. Because I had been making use of the 5 Alternatives, I had not finished the paper when I went to my 1:00 class - English... I actually had the nerve to finish it in her class. Except that I still couldn't get it finished before 2. The final result was a great paper with a half-completed works cited page. (Not finishing a works cited page means that some sources were not given credit for thier ideas. That is defined as plagiarism, which is illegal.)

The verdict?

Ok...

I have to add a disclaimer to that last entry. In "5 Great Alternatives to Writing a Paper," I may have encouraged you to push aside homework that should be a priority. So I have a few points to add:

- A student-athlete has to be a student first. That's why the word student comes first.

- Doing your homework, papers, and projects now will better prepare you for life beyond school, when deadlines are deadlines no matter what.

- The 5 alternatives should never be applied to the workplace or the home.

- Practicing the 5 alternatives too regularly may result in lower grades.

- SoccerChica is not responsible for low grades due to tardiness of the paper/project or poor quality. Neither is Big D. Nor are we responsible for groundings or other punishment due to lower grades or calls from teachers or anything else.

This includes fine print that you can't see without a telescope. That fine print covers anything else that may go wrong while practicing the 5 alternatives.

Thanks.

-SC

While the particular paper to be avoided is for my freshman level English Comp class, these can be applied to any paper or project that you desire to avoid like the Plague.

1) Write a blog entry.
-This is a prime example. I don't want to write the English paper, so I am writing this ABOUT not writing my English paper. I've managed to avoid the paper and put off the guilt by not doing something completely unrelated to the paper.

2) Go outside.
-Physical activity will provide endorphins that schoolwork quickly drain. When you get back to the paper/project, you might actually WANT to do it!

3) Volunteer.
-No teacher can refuse the excuse, "I was out late feeding the homeless/building a ramp for a man in a wheelchair/reading to children in the burn unit (or whatever it is you do) and didn't have time to do the homework." It's a lot more effective and a lot more believable than, "My dog ate my homework," though I have heard that that really does happen.

I put this in the "Funny Stuff" category, because I have a dark sense of humor. Read at your own risk.

German researchers recently conducted a study that concluded watching a big soccer match can strain a fan's heart.

After studying the effects of matches during the 2006 World Cup, they concluded that, for German men, the risk of having a heart attack or some other serious heart problem was more than three times higher on days when their team played. It was 82 percent higher for German women. "Six of the seven games in which the German team participated were associated with an increase in the number of cardiac emergencies over the number during the control period," they wrote. The largest number occurred during a June 30 quarterfinal in which Germany defeated Argentina in a dramatic penalty shoot-out. The next game, Germany's semi-final loss to Italy, produced almost as many heart attacks. In contrast, Germany's match against Portugal for third place, produced no spike in heart-related problems. Germany defeated Portugal 3-1.

I find it to be pretty strange that during the season, my grades are top-notch, I'm always doing something productive with my time, and my head is always on straight. Of course, once the season ends, one would expect that nothing would change unless I found myself studying harder or working longer. Riight.

After the last game concludes, all of a sudden, I have all this free time. I don't know what to do with it, so instead of studying, I play around; instead of working, I sleep; and instead of managing my time, I goof off. Why is that? I've talked to some of my teammates, who all experience similar slacking periods during the off-season. None of us can figure it out.

If you can shed some light on this backwards phenomenon, please do so.

We're all at a loss.